I know that it's really important to do research into STIs. I know we need to stop people dying of AIDS. But did it actually require a study of 419 people to work out that Crack-smoking sex workers have unsafe sex? Apparently if they also work in a crack house they're even more likely to take risks. No shit.

I am now making plans to submit papers on 'Masturbation feels nice', 'Straight men like touching naked women' and 'Sucking a man's cock in a bar without even asking his name first will not result in a marriage proposal'.

Actually, maybe that last one does need research.

In a change from my usual rantings, today I’m getting all literary. Or at least, I’ve been asked to take part in the virtual book tour for The Man Who Fell Asleep aka Greg Stekellman (a great idea that I wish I'd come up with). Given that he's written a book that's surreal, intriguing, fresh and wrong in so many ways, I couldn't refuse. Well, I could but I didn't want to 'cos I've been recommending the book to all my mates since I read it. To give you an idea of his brain, I decided to interview him so you can get a vague idea of what to expect from his book. Though you still won't be prepared. It's odd. I like it.There's a surprise.

(Apols for the lazy Q&A format but I've got a gazillion deadlines and didn't have time to turn it into a proper running copy interview)

Describe the story of your book in a single line

A surreal tragi-comic tale of London, celebrities, loneliness and overheard conversations on the Tube.

What advice would you give to an aspiring writer who wants to get published?

Be persistent. You have to chase people a lot more than they chase you. That doesn't mean that you should be so stubborn that you don't listen to advice or guidance. Don't be precious about your work - if people have suggestions that may help sell the book, take it into account. And be lucky. I think that's probably the most important bit.

How did you find an agent/publisher?

I don't have an agent. I had one for about a year, and she was very nice, but she had a very well known client, and she seemed to want to reshape me in his image, which was a bit annoying. Then she quit to do something else, and I was reassigned a different agent with the same firm. She didn't want me and I didn't want her, so we parted ways. In terms of the publisher, I was really lucky. The Friday Project had just started up, and they knew my website, and knew it would make a good book. They approached me, and it went from there.

Did drugs or alcohol inspire any of the book or does it come naturally?

It came naturally. It was written over a long period, in that a lot of the material appeared on my website first, and then I kind of wove it into a very loose narrative. Because quite a lot of the book is a bit strange and surreal, people assume I take a lot of drugs. It annoys me. People used to email me, asking what drugs I was on. It seems like if you use your imagination, people assume you're on drugs. But I'm not really built for drugs. I have dabbled a bit, but my mind doesn't really need expanding. It needs shrinking and tidying. Maybe I just haven't found the right drugs yet! And I'm not much of a drinker. I like a few drinks, but I try to pull back before I get to the vomiting stage.

What's your favourite part of the book?

There's a passage that I called "Death of a King" which I really like. And I suppose the central section of the book, where the flatmate takes over the narrative. It's something I wrote a long time ago, and then rewrote a lot. It's not as surreal or funny as the rest of the novel, but I think it gives it some proper emotional weight. Theoretically, I'd really like to write 'serious' fiction, but I grew up telling jokes, and most things I write tend to end up with punchlines.

Did you write it in order?

No. A lot of it was assembled from old material, but I tried to order it and edit it so that there was a sense of emotional progression. A lot of books based on websites tend to be compendiums or toilet books that you can just dip in and out of at your leisure, and I wanted to write a novel. Something with a beginning, middle and end, even if it's all a bit blurred. I like the idea of someone sitting on the tube and getting lost in the story, rather than just laughing at occasional passages.

Does it all make sense to you?

Mostly. None of it is random. Everything in the book is based on quite sensible premises. Of course, I stretch and pull them in silly ways, but none of it is just stupid.

The book opens with Jesus turning up at your door. Why did Jesus pick you?

He didn't. I picked him. Probably because I'm Jewish. I think a lot of Jews are fascinated by Jesus. I mean... you look at Woody Allen films, and there's always references to Jesus. The idea of being a persecuted Jew, I suppose! I think that the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament is that the Old Testament is like a saga novel... The Thorn Birds or something. Lots of drama, but aside from God, there's no real central defining character. Whereas the New Testament is like a big Hollywood blockbuster and it's all about Jesus. And if you grow up in a Christian country, it doesn't matter if you're Jewish or Hindu or Sikh, I think that you get exposed to Jesus... and he's almost like a superhero character. I've always been a bit obsessed with him, although not in a very serious way.

Tell me a secret

I lost my virginity aged 19. I was quite shy with girls. The legacy of years at a boy's school.

What's the optimum of alcohol to be consumed before reading your book?

Two measures of whisky or two glasses of red wine. I'd avoid beer. Maybe take a diazepam.

What's your favourite word?

God, that's hard. I don't know. I have words that I really overuse. Like "good" or "nice". I'm a writer, so I suppose I should say that things are "splendid" or "fascinating" but I always just say "that's nice".

What's next?

I've spent the last five years being themanwhofellasleep, so I quite fancy writing with a different voice. Or using themanwhofellasleep in a different medium, like radio or television. I think the book would make a really interesting sitcom, but as of yet, no-one has approached me about turning me into a megastar. It would probably be a disaster anyway... themanwhofellasleep would end up in New York, being played by Ben Stiller. I would like to write a serious novel, but I don't really know where to start. The advantage of writing on the web is that you write little bits and bobs as you go along, and before you realise it, you've written 50,000 words. The idea of sitting down in a dark room and writing a manuscript in one go... I think I'd go mad.

What's the best book you've read this year?

Oh, that's quite hard. I've read quite a few books this year. Everything from sci-fi anthologies to airport thrillers and Kafka. Anything to get me to sleep. The most recent book I read was Sputnik Sweetheart by Murakami. I'm always really suspicious when everyone agrees that an author is good, so I was a bit dubious about reading Murakami, but I really enjoyed it. It was one of those read-it-in-one-sitting books.

Which book have you re-read the most (excluding your own)?

The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper. I first read it when I was about 10 and re-read it about 50 times throughout my teenage years. I wasn't very happy, and it got me through adolescence. I haven't read it in years. The copy I've got is really dog-eared and is falling apart. What I like about books is the more you love them, the worse their condition.

Why are duck-billed platypusses (platypi?) ?

To add a bit of mystery to life. Life would be very dull if everything had a clearly defined purpose. God probably put them on Earth to fuck off Darwin.

Do you prefer dirty stories, pictures or films, and why?

Oh, I like all three. Pictures are quite good, in that they crystallise a moment. They capture something in a way that films can't do, and in a sexual sense, that's quite good. I do like dirty stories as well. The internet is like a sweet shop of porn, and I tend to gorge myself and then feel slightly sick.

If you were a sex toy, which toy would you be?

Something that buzzes a lot and gets quite irritating after a while. Sexy, but a low-level irritant. That's me.

See, I had to chuck in some sex questions at the end - after all, it is me.

If that lot hasn't whetted your appetite, here's one of my favourite extracts from the book, in which Greg examines tragedy and comedy, and decides to come up with some sad jokes:

Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.

Made me laugh out loud anyway. So, that's the first step on the virtual book tour. For the rest of the dates, check out The Man Who Fell Asleep. And buy the book. It's funny, strange and generally ace.

Donate to help the fight against AIDS/HIV. Use Surf2Aid to help raise more money.

And most importantly use bloody condoms.

Well, a condom. Boody ones would obviously be incredibly risky to use, and multiple condoms used at once are more liable to split.

But you know what I mean.

And so life goes on at some ridiculous pace, barely leaving me time to take a breath (or, to be more accurate, to take a drag on a fag) (or, to be even more accurate, it has left me time to take a drag on a fag but only because I can type and smoke at the same time. Oh, I'm going to miss it when I finally manage to give up - something I'm attempting again once the Christmas party season is over. No, really.) But I digress. In the last few weeks I've:

a) Had an internal vagina cast made for a feature. Yes, having the external vaginal cast last year just wasn't enough. Well, it was, in fact probably too much in many people' opinion, but hell, it's not something everyone can say they've had done (in fact, I'm only the eighth person in the UK to have it done as far as I know) And more to the point, it provided more than enough material to write a fun feature (for Forum magazine, Dec issue. Scarlet already had my feature on the external casting last year and writing two features for the same mag on genital casting seemed overkill. I won't pre-empt the feature too much. All I will say is that I didn't expect to have to use a vibrator to 'warm myself up' before the casting - in front of my photographer and the vagina caster [it was the least sexy wank of my life] - and that I really could have done without getting scratched thanks to a design error in the equipment - whether mine or the caster's I'm not sure but apparently no-one else has been hurt before - that resulted in me being unable to walk properly for a week, let alone do anything else.)

b) Gone to Folkestone Festival of Literature and broken my literary festival virginity (in terms of speaking at one) It was ace, even though I'm pretty sure that most people where there to see Mil who I was on the same bill with. Still, I sold as many books as he did which just goes to show that sympathy is a powerful emotion.

c) Gone to a couple of fantastic burlesque events: Kittie Klaw's new Ministry of Burlesque night at the Hanbury Club and Immodesty Blaize's incredible show at the Bloomsbury Ballroom.In both cases I took people who'd never seen burlesque before. In both cases, they were blown away and have subsequently been raving about burlesque to everyone they know. If you see either Immodesty or Kittie are performing anywhere near you, I totally recommend going to see them.

d) Been to a brilliant female domme event, Pedestal for a feature for Scarlet. I was expecting to hate it but it's amazing how quickly you settle into men being on their knees giving you roses, lighting your cigarette without being asked, buying you drinks, giving you foot massages and, err, begging to be trampled on/have their bollocks crushed. The whole Scarlet team went (well, almost all the women) and we all had a top laugh. Again, I'd *so* recommend it to women at least. It's so worth being utterly adored and treated like a princess at least once.

e) Been on a press day trip to Paris. I was invited at the last minute - the day before the trip - which made it seem all the more exciting (yes, I know that means I was last on the list but it's very cool when you think you have a dull week at work lined up then get invited to Paris the next day) It involved alcohol, more alcohol, even more alcohol, many lovely journalists (and a hot - sadly married - photographer) much talking shite and getting a free designer dress at the end of the day. All in all, a pretty good Tuesday.

f) Writing lots of words for the two books I'm working on

g) Recording diry stories for Audible

h) Writing lots of features

Sadly (well, happily, given that I always wanted to be a writer) there are many, many more words that need writing before I get to take a break. But I do have a pro-domme mate (and possibly a porn star) coming over for mulled wine tomorrow so at least I'm managing to combine seasonal goodwill with handy work contacts. Who thought networking could be so much fun?

PS: If anyone's after a gorgeous frock for Christmas, check out my mum's website. She makes stunning dresses - she was designing for Harrods when she was 21 so I'm not just being a proud daughter - and they're a lot less expensive than they look (or indeed should be - so get in there before I convince her to put her prices up.)