Apologies for the lapse in posting. Yet again, things have gone manic. The Frankfurt Book Fair has just started, so I've had loads of publishers contacting me to write proposals for them, or sign book deals, so they can flog international rights at the fair (one book deal signed and various others are out there in the ether - I'll let you know more details once the deals are done). I've also been busy putting the finishing touches to a new project - a series of erotica anthologies for Audible. It's been ace fun commissioning loads of writers - been able to pick some of the best people I've worked with over the years - and I've also been voice-testing people to record the stories, which makes a change from sitting at my computer typing. But as a result of all of this, I haven't had a huge amount of spare time.
That said, I've still managed to fit in a few fun 'having a life' things. A girlie mate came to Brighton for the weekend and dragged me to the World Air Guitar championships, which, despite my concerns, was actually a top laugh. Watching people play rock god is always good for a giggle (and my mate and I were both very impressed by the rather foxy winner). I've been to see a couple of films, Rabbit Fever and the Devil Wears Prada. I felt all posh with the former 'cos it was a premiere and I was invited by Ann Summers who plied me with champagne and sex toys (the former on the premises, the latter in a goodie bag - it wasn't *that* kind of event). There was an aftershow party that was most memorable because both Germaine Greer and Ben Dover attended - not two people I ever thought I'd see in the same room (didn't talk to any celebs though, mainly 'cos I figured it would be tacky to approach them - and I needed to get back to Brighton so I only stayed for one drink). The latter film annoyed me - even though it was good girlie fun - because it seemed to suggest that women could either have a high-powered job or a partner, but not both. So much for feminism...
Tonight, I'm off to the Burlesque Ball, which is ace ace I have an excuse to tart up. I'm going for a Scarlet O' Hara style balldress that I bought for £30 in a charity shop years ago because I'd always wanted a Scarlet style frock - and have subsequently never had a chance to wear it. Apart from once when I was hoovering the flat and, I'm pretty sure, either had PMT or was pissed, because it seemed like a perfectly good idea at the time. So I'm about to head into a bath and do all the girlie primping and preening things, as recommended in Jackie magazine as a kid (strangest tip I ever read there: if you have sweaty hands, spray them with antiperspirant before you go out. Not something I've ever done, I hasten to add but it still amuses me to think that people may have done this)
But before I get pampering, there now follows a chunk of copy that will probably be dull as hell for anyone who doesn't listen to my Audible show. However, as I say on every show that you can get links to everything I review on this site, it seems only fair to actually do as I say (plus it's an easy way for PRs to see what I've reviewed, should they stumble across the site - for some reason, I've been offered a load of products that I've reviewed over the last few years recently. Although that could be 'cos therea re only so many sex toys in the world and once you've reviewed 300 it gets harder to find new ones.) I've posted blurb up on the early shows in previous posts, but here's what's been happening in the latest shows.
Show 4
My guest was Mistress Absolute, a fab dominatrix (who I've previously met on courses I went on to learn about spanking and bondage. As you do). The toys I reviewed were the Rock Chick (good), the Vibrapen (discreet) and Mates intensify stimulating gel and condoms (fun). The films were Artemesia (classy) and the Ancient Secrets of the Kama Sutra (comedic genius for all the wrong reasons) and the websites were Sex Kitten (glam) and Jackin' World (informative).
Show Five
My guest was Lovers' Guide founder, Robert Page, who was a sweetheart - though I've known him for years so if he'd have been a meani, I'd have cried. The toys I reviewed were the Cupid's Couch (easily stored kink), Elyssia cock ring (beautiful but solid metal, and I never trust metal cock rings after hearing a horror story involving one getting stuck. And cutting devices being required to remove it. And the metal heating up. And firemen getting involved.), The Cone (sadly overhyped - or at least, it did nothing for me) and the Clit Flipper (one of the best toys ever). Video-wise, I reviewed Lea Walker's Sex Life (now packaged as part of Casting Cuties (depressing) and 24 Hours in London (brilliantly sexy and sophisticated). For literary lust, I looked at Erotic Short Stories by Tinca Turle, Melt Away: Sugar Series two (both solid dirty anthologies) and Susie Bright’s Best American Erotica 2006 Anthology (Susie's a star, so it's ace), and online I went for The Erotic Bookshop (useful if you want dirty books, even if they don't stock any of mine) and Naughty Bids (where you can place bids on used knickers, toy and other dirty things. The concept of which makes me squeamish).
Show six
My guest was Tracey Farrow, from the Erotica show (another sweetheart - and she used to work for a major kids' toy brand so it's a slight change of direction!). Toy-wise, I tested the Vibraexciter (a great idea - it connects to your mobile phone), Purring Kitty software (which turns your phone itself into a vibrator) and the I like it Doggie belt (which resulted in embarrasment when a bloke turned up to fix my boilerand saw it in the middle of my living room floor, where I'd just unpacked it. It didn't turn porn movie though, thank god), and for porn, I watched Street Heat Three (sexy) and Dr Screw (hilarious - one film every porn or Dr Who fan should watch. Which is a bizarre demographic).For books, I covered the latest Leatherback anthology, Erotic Short Stories: The Paris Series 1-5 (quality erotica) and the first two books in Ann Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy (sub/dom classics), and webwise, I reviewed the fabulous Monmouth and equally ace Violet Blue
Show Seven
My latest show, which comes out soon, saw me having a great time interviewing the stunning Tits of Death - women who I'm pretty sure are even ruder than me. For toys, I tried the Micro-tingler Torpedo (versatile), the Tongue Joy (tricky to get on but interesting) and Eros Fun Foam (ace). For books, I reviewed the final Sleeping Beauty book of the trilogy, along with the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy audio book.
It's now coming round to review time of the month again for Scarlet so I've got a huge pile of books and sex toys to work my way through. I'm also dead chuffed to have landed a regular commission reviewing pants for Knickersblog - getting free undies always being a good thing - so I've got pants to test (for comfort, style, sexiness etc). I'm also reviewing a load of aphrodisiacs for Forum magazine. Still, at least if the aphrodisiacs work, I've got a tonne of toys to sate the urge - and sexy undies to wear if I go out on the pull.
Yes, I think it's possible I do have the best job in the world.
Well, it's been another fairly amusing week - for me at least, it could make utterly dull reading. But, hell, it's my blog. The 'being an extra on a porn film' thing was one of the highlights, given that I arrived at a grungy indie club in London at 10am, blathered to the cast and crew (in various states of undress - them, not me, though I did end up having to get more naked than I'd suspected when the director asked me if I'd be up for taking the top that I was wearing under my jacket off, then put my jacket back on again, so that I'd reveal a bit more, namely about an inch of midriff and a flash of cleavage [I use the term loosely. What I actually mean is the bony bit that would be hidden if I had any vestige of tits] It didn't seem like much to ask, given they'd done full hair and make-up for me, making me look like a proper girl for the first time in ages) then handed me a beer and told me my role was to lean against a pillar, smoke a fag and drink said beer. It too all of my acting talents, I can tell you.
It was fun being on a porn set again, not least 'cos I got to meet some porn stars I'd never met before, in particular Daisy Rock, who's as lovely as she is hot. We blathered about burlesque, I recommended she got in contact with my mum for vintage nipple tassles and generally sexy classy accessories (see, the sex industry is catching) and I found out Daisy lives in Brighton, thus adding another person to the Brighton sex industry contingent (ionie is moving here soon so it's growing fast) There was also a moment in the film where the director asked one of the male stars to drag me into the centre of the shot, so he took my hand, we danced for a bit (yeah, OK, dirtily) then he grabbed my hand and put it on his (jeans-covered) cock. I genuinely couldn't feel the end. Even when I stretched my fingers out to their full span. Still, it was flattering (and only a bit hot) that he appeared to be at 'full-mast' (then again, I guess it is his job - though I'd say that keeping his cock up throughout the entire scene, not just the bits where he's fucking, is taking things above and beyond the call of duty).
After all that excitement, it was off to a TV meeting where I was asked to come up with a dating show format to present (which has been a source of good pub debate ever since, with everyone trying to come up with the grimmest format they can)
Exercise-wise, I'm feeling quite pleased with myself, but less smug than last week. I did 14KM of walking this week but then, on the third day, when I woke up bright and early and ready for my walk, I realised my ankle is conspiring against me by hurting like a fucker (and an inept one at that). I didn't realise that a few strolls along the beach could actually result in a 'sporting injury' but, chatting to a mate who did a similarly easy route back to fitness a few years back, it turns out that even walking can break a chronically unfit person. I've been told to:
a) get posh trainers
b) rest my ankles
Having felt suitably un-guilted into exercise, I've spent the weekend doing b) (but not a) - I need to find some that haven't been made by 3 year olds but don't cost £100) - while simultaneously writing smut and subbing stories for Audible. However, the ankle seems less hurty today so I'm going to test out the exercise thing again tomorrow because, damn it, it made me feel good. And in new and unusual ways, which is always fun.
On which note, I was rather surprised/amused/embarrassed/intrigued to see pics of my Splosh experience online (though the lovely man who runs Splosh did mail to check it was OK. I couldn't see the harm. I mean, let's face it, it's not as if I have a career in politics beckoning - and even if I did, at least it'd guarantee some newspaper headlines)
Other than that, and catching up with a load of old friends, it's just the usual stuff. Got a couple of meetings about writing books coming up, some recording of filthy stories and a tonne of (well, six or so) interviews coming up about my latest book which is out on 21st Sept.Add in some commissions for articles and I'm back to juggling lots of work for the next few weeks - though I'm still determined to keep up some semblance of Brighton life if I possibly can.
There is another story that I'd love to relate but sadly can't, in any detail. All I will say is that sometimes prostate massagers aren't an appropriate choice of conversation topic. Who'd have thought it.Still, all's well that ends well.
It's been a fairly mad week, to say the least. Since my last post I've:
a) Spent a day directing a porn film for Scarlet (a feature on Adultadventures, a new company that's set up to help people live out kinky experiences). It was a top laugh. The female star was utterly gorgeous (as was her bloke, but he doesn't have a website - and yes, they are a real life couple, which made it infinitely sexier to shoot) I was being taught about directing by the lovely Ionie Luv Coxx, who I met a year or so ago on another porn set I was visiting (for the life of me, I can't remember why, which is somewhat disturbing) The end result was considerably less cheesy than the last porn film I was involved in filming (for a porn school that was setting up) - but then again, that isn't hard given that other members of the team working on the last film insisted that we had a spaceman in it. And a French maid. And a policewoman. To say this hampered the narrative flow would be an understatement.
b) Gone sploshing. I never thought wrestling in custard could be so much fun (again, it was for work - see the November issue of Scarlet, out 21st November, for the unflattering custard-soaked pics. It was one of those moments when I pondered how exactly I ended up in this job.)
c) Commissioned a load of stories for an exciting (to me) new project for Audible - more of which at a later date.
d) Got a couple of approaches about book deals - again, more of which later
e) Attempted to start to get fit. I discovered a gorgeous walk with a mate, up to a lagoon (though I was disappointed that, despite being called a lagoon, there were no mermaids, or nymph-like creatures swimming around. Hell, there wasn't even a sea monkey) It's 6km away - so I've been trying to do the walk three times a week. I felt particularly virtuous last week because I managed it five times - nearly 20 miles walking in total (if my maths/conversion isn't horribly off) Even more strangely, I seem to be getting used to it. I'm bouncing (well, OK, easing - I haven't changed that much) out of bed in the morning wanting to go for the walk - even when it's been windy. And rainy. And I've had a hangover. Obviously, this fitness craze will last about as long as my previous non-smoking attempts (namely, another week) but then again, a mate has mentioned perhaps letting me borrow her very cute dog to walk along the beach, so maybe not...
I've also gone out with various mates. Somehow managing to combine both 'working' and 'having a life'is really quite pleasant. I should have done it years ago.
Tomorrow I'm off to be an extra on another porn film - fully clothed - this time for the terribly stylish Vivid Orchid. I've known one of the company founders for years and love what she's doing so pitched a 'behind the scenes' article at Forum (who I've been writing a fair bit of stuff for recently). And so it is that I'll finally be front of camera in a porn film. It had to happen at some stage... I guess I should get an early night.