At last, Christmas is coming and a break from work is around the corner. Well, kind of. In a 'I've got two book proposals, a couple of articles and a 10,000 word radio script to write' by the beginning of January way. But compared to my usual workload, it's a break, and will be made infinitely easier by most people being off work over the next week or so, meaning less phone calls and emails to deal with.
December has been a good month, not least because of my new radio show. It's been in planning stages for a while but today it went live so I've been in bouncy mode. I say radio, but really it's a podcast (see how zeitgeisty* I am) available from Audible.co.uk for £4.99 a month (or £29.99 if you subscribe for a year) It's a talk radio format show, with a twist: there are filthy stories in with the reviews, sex advice and general sex comment.
In the first show, I reviewed the Horny Hopper (any product that kitsch/wrong deserves all the publicity it can get), the Jac Off Silicone textured pad (a male masturbation aid - the show's unisex so I have to include toys for guys as well. And yes, I did ask a male friend to try it out. I haven't suddenly grown a cock) and the Bingo (still the best sex toy ever made, in my opinion, though the Lelo is a close second).Proving that I have the best job in the world, I also got to review porn: Poppy Morgan: The Wedding (apparently filmed on her real wedding day - the girl's more of a workaholic than I am) and 2Funky4U (computer generated smut. As in, pixel on pixel porn. Most odd) And then I had to read a load of smutty books (Penthouse: Between the Sheets, Soul Sex: A Sexual Adventure Through the Chakras and Three Kinds of Asking for It: Erotic Novellas). Or rather listen to them. As the show goes out on Audible, it makes sense to review audio books - and makes it a lot easier to do hands-free reviewing... And then it was on to checking out some cool websites: T-shirt Hell and Girl with a one track mind (a kindred spirit if ever there was one). I also interviewed Jonny Trunk about his show, book and CD, Dirty Fan Male. He's got an incredibly dry sense of humour, though I guess that's to be expected given that he followed Dirty Fan Male (about the fanmail his porn star sister used to get) by making a Bod: The Album.
But all of that stuff pales into insignificance (not that I'm trying to pretend it's significant - it's just stuff that helps you wank. Hell, everyone has to have a cause...) next to the dirty stories. Rather than voicing them myself, I managed to persuade the gorgeous Mat Fraser to perform half the stories and my God, does he have a sexy voice. Even though I wrote the stories, his delivery of them was so hot that they even turned me on (surely a whole new definition of 'masturbatory' - getting off on your own words) The other half of the stories were voiced by the delectable Kittie Klaw from the Ministry of Burlesque. We decided to go with a male and a female voice so that all genders and sexualities would be able to get something out of the show: equal wanking rights and all that (at least I'm consistent in my beliefs.)
Recording the show was brilliant fun. As Mat and Kittie had to read out sentences like "I imagined her pushing back to meet my thrusts, my stomach slapping against her arse as I pounded her hard, unable to resist the urge to slap her arse as she begged me to go harder, faster...", and "When Dan slid his hand down to my clit and began teasing it while Jake slid his tongue inside me and Simon pinched my nipples, I couldn't take it any more" - without giggling - I figured it was only fair to take along a bottle of champagne to help everyone relax, which added to the party mood. The second show is now in production and I'm looking forward to the next recording session (seriously, the conversation when we weren't recording was so smutty that I was almost tempted to record it as a hidden 'bonus track')
Radio aside, there's been all the usual Scarlet stuff. The latest issue (complete with vagina casting pics) is out this week. I'm very glad that I have the coolest mum in the world, given that she subscribes to the mag...
And now it's time for (another) gratuitous plug. If you still haven't done your Christmas shopping, pleeeeease buy any of the below for your nearest and dearest (or total strangers - really, I don't mind) and you'll help me to have a very happy Christmas:
"You Must be my Best Friend Because I Hate You" Friendship and How to Survive it
Brief Encounters: The Women's Guide to Casual Sex
Things a woman should know about seduction
A Sex Talk With Emily Dubberley audible subscription (sorry, don't have a direct link yet but if you 'browse audio' for Dubberley then it's the only option that comes up)
A Scarlet subscription
Sex Play
The Lovers' Guide Lovemaking Deck
Or hell, buy the whole lot. I've got another two books out next year (so far - fingers crossed there will be more) so I'll be begging you to part with your cash again soon enough. But if you're skint (or tight), I guess you can just check out Cliterati for free smut.
Hmmm, looking at that lot, I can see why it is I haven't had much time to blog this year. Still, with any luck I'll have enough time to post more random witterings before the year is out. If not, Happy Christmas and have a great New Year.
*Yes, I am using zeitgeist ironically. I'm not that much of a wanker**
**OK, technically I do get paid to wank but you know what I mean