In a change from my usual rantings, today I’m getting all literary. Or at least, I’ve been asked to take part in the virtual book tour for The Man Who Fell Asleep aka Greg Stekellman (a great idea that I wish I'd come up with). Given that he's written a book that's surreal, intriguing, fresh and wrong in so many ways, I couldn't refuse. Well, I could but I didn't want to 'cos I've been recommending the book to all my mates since I read it. To give you an idea of his brain, I decided to interview him so you can get a vague idea of what to expect from his book. Though you still won't be prepared. It's odd. I like it.There's a surprise.
(Apols for the lazy Q&A format but I've got a gazillion deadlines and didn't have time to turn it into a proper running copy interview)
Describe the story of your book in a single line
A surreal tragi-comic tale of London, celebrities, loneliness and overheard conversations on the Tube.
What advice would you give to an aspiring writer who wants to get published?
Be persistent. You have to chase people a lot more than they chase you. That doesn't mean that you should be so stubborn that you don't listen to advice or guidance. Don't be precious about your work - if people have suggestions that may help sell the book, take it into account. And be lucky. I think that's probably the most important bit.
How did you find an agent/publisher?
I don't have an agent. I had one for about a year, and she was very nice, but she had a very well known client, and she seemed to want to reshape me in his image, which was a bit annoying. Then she quit to do something else, and I was reassigned a different agent with the same firm. She didn't want me and I didn't want her, so we parted ways. In terms of the publisher, I was really lucky. The Friday Project had just started up, and they knew my website, and knew it would make a good book. They approached me, and it went from there.
Did drugs or alcohol inspire any of the book or does it come naturally?
It came naturally. It was written over a long period, in that a lot of the material appeared on my website first, and then I kind of wove it into a very loose narrative. Because quite a lot of the book is a bit strange and surreal, people assume I take a lot of drugs. It annoys me. People used to email me, asking what drugs I was on. It seems like if you use your imagination, people assume you're on drugs. But I'm not really built for drugs. I have dabbled a bit, but my mind doesn't really need expanding. It needs shrinking and tidying. Maybe I just haven't found the right drugs yet! And I'm not much of a drinker. I like a few drinks, but I try to pull back before I get to the vomiting stage.
What's your favourite part of the book?
There's a passage that I called "Death of a King" which I really like. And I suppose the central section of the book, where the flatmate takes over the narrative. It's something I wrote a long time ago, and then rewrote a lot. It's not as surreal or funny as the rest of the novel, but I think it gives it some proper emotional weight. Theoretically, I'd really like to write 'serious' fiction, but I grew up telling jokes, and most things I write tend to end up with punchlines.
Did you write it in order?
No. A lot of it was assembled from old material, but I tried to order it and edit it so that there was a sense of emotional progression. A lot of books based on websites tend to be compendiums or toilet books that you can just dip in and out of at your leisure, and I wanted to write a novel. Something with a beginning, middle and end, even if it's all a bit blurred. I like the idea of someone sitting on the tube and getting lost in the story, rather than just laughing at occasional passages.
Does it all make sense to you?
Mostly. None of it is random. Everything in the book is based on quite sensible premises. Of course, I stretch and pull them in silly ways, but none of it is just stupid.
The book opens with Jesus turning up at your door. Why did Jesus pick you?
He didn't. I picked him. Probably because I'm Jewish. I think a lot of Jews are fascinated by Jesus. I mean... you look at Woody Allen films, and there's always references to Jesus. The idea of being a persecuted Jew, I suppose! I think that the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament is that the Old Testament is like a saga novel... The Thorn Birds or something. Lots of drama, but aside from God, there's no real central defining character. Whereas the New Testament is like a big Hollywood blockbuster and it's all about Jesus. And if you grow up in a Christian country, it doesn't matter if you're Jewish or Hindu or Sikh, I think that you get exposed to Jesus... and he's almost like a superhero character. I've always been a bit obsessed with him, although not in a very serious way.
Tell me a secret
I lost my virginity aged 19. I was quite shy with girls. The legacy of years at a boy's school.
What's the optimum of alcohol to be consumed before reading your book?
Two measures of whisky or two glasses of red wine. I'd avoid beer. Maybe take a diazepam.
What's your favourite word?
God, that's hard. I don't know. I have words that I really overuse. Like "good" or "nice". I'm a writer, so I suppose I should say that things are "splendid" or "fascinating" but I always just say "that's nice".
What's next?
I've spent the last five years being themanwhofellasleep, so I quite fancy writing with a different voice. Or using themanwhofellasleep in a different medium, like radio or television. I think the book would make a really interesting sitcom, but as of yet, no-one has approached me about turning me into a megastar. It would probably be a disaster anyway... themanwhofellasleep would end up in New York, being played by Ben Stiller. I would like to write a serious novel, but I don't really know where to start. The advantage of writing on the web is that you write little bits and bobs as you go along, and before you realise it, you've written 50,000 words. The idea of sitting down in a dark room and writing a manuscript in one go... I think I'd go mad.
What's the best book you've read this year?
Oh, that's quite hard. I've read quite a few books this year. Everything from sci-fi anthologies to airport thrillers and Kafka. Anything to get me to sleep. The most recent book I read was Sputnik Sweetheart by Murakami. I'm always really suspicious when everyone agrees that an author is good, so I was a bit dubious about reading Murakami, but I really enjoyed it. It was one of those read-it-in-one-sitting books.
Which book have you re-read the most (excluding your own)?
The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper. I first read it when I was about 10 and re-read it about 50 times throughout my teenage years. I wasn't very happy, and it got me through adolescence. I haven't read it in years. The copy I've got is really dog-eared and is falling apart. What I like about books is the more you love them, the worse their condition.
Why are duck-billed platypusses (platypi?) ?
To add a bit of mystery to life. Life would be very dull if everything had a clearly defined purpose. God probably put them on Earth to fuck off Darwin.
Do you prefer dirty stories, pictures or films, and why?
Oh, I like all three. Pictures are quite good, in that they crystallise a moment. They capture something in a way that films can't do, and in a sexual sense, that's quite good. I do like dirty stories as well. The internet is like a sweet shop of porn, and I tend to gorge myself and then feel slightly sick.
If you were a sex toy, which toy would you be?
Something that buzzes a lot and gets quite irritating after a while. Sexy, but a low-level irritant. That's me.
See, I had to chuck in some sex questions at the end - after all, it is me.
If that lot hasn't whetted your appetite, here's one of my favourite extracts from the book, in which Greg examines tragedy and comedy, and decides to come up with some sad jokes:
Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.
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Policeman: Knock, knock.
Woman: Who's there?
Policeman: The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.
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There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To escape the Nazis.
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A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
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Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
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What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.
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Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
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Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
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Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house."
The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit."
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Did you hear about the Irishman found under a shop?
Yes, he was killed and buried there. It was gang-related.
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Man: What a beautiful dog. Does he bite?
Dog-owner: No.
Man: Can I pet him?
Dog-owner: No, he has a form of eczema that makes him skin weep if touched.
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How can you tell when an Essex girl wants sex?
She displays signs of arousal, such as enlargement of the clitoris and swelling of the labia.
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What's the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.
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What do you get if you cross a horse and a donkey?
A mule.
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A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.
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What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.
Made me laugh out loud anyway. So, that's the first step on the virtual book tour. For the rest of the dates, check out The Man Who Fell Asleep. And buy the book. It's funny, strange and generally ace.