OK, so today was another weird day. I was doing another TV pundit thing, this time for the world sexual records (another Sky One thing, for broadcast in October). Orignally I was supposed to just be talking about the record for most sexual positions achieved in a minute but they decided that they wanted me to be the sexpert for the whole series. I'd like to feel flattered but I'm pretty sure it's 'cos I cost way less than proper TV types.
Now I thought that advertising the Jessica Rabbit was as low as I could stoop (not 'cos it's a bad toy but 'cos the ads are very cheesy.)
I was wrong.
One of the things I had to comment on was the most dangerous sex act. I was given research notes as follows:
Outlawed at the turn of the century, but regularly practiced up until around 10 years ago, working down at the Hong Kong harbor the girls would offer the ‘ultimate’ pleasure to a man. Sadly such ‘pleasure’ often resulted in the loss of life of the woman doing it.
The Sampan girl, working in a boat, leans over the side and ducks her head into the water. The customer enters her from behind, experiencing exquisite vaginal spasms around his penis as the woman reacts to her near drowning. In theory, she pulls herself out of the water just before she loses consciousness, usually after the client had experienced an intense orgasm. Needless to say, however, you shouldn't try this at home.
OK, all well and good. This act is clearly not a good thing. With 'sexpert' hat on, I was quite happy to say that.
What I wasn't expecting was to be asked to re-enact the scenario with Barbie dolls. Or rather, one Ken Doll (complete with tux and moulded on Y-fronts) and one Barbie Doll (with moulded on white knickers.)
So today, as a highlight of my career, I was making two dolls simulate bad sex. And then drowning the Barbie to show how dangerous this act could be. In my bathroom sink.
It was a real 'if my career advisor could see me now.' moment.
In my defence, the producer was bloody gorgeous.And when you've been talking about shagging (albeit for work) to someone really rather foxy for 5 hours, looking them straight in the eye (for camera angles. Apparently. Whatever, I wasn't complaining) then it's damned hard to do a diva 'No, that would be bad for my credibilty' thing.
And it's fun getting paid to play with dolls.
Posted by emilyd at July 30, 2003 02:18 AM