OK, so it's no big news that NTL aren't exactly the most popular service providers in the world but they've still managed to fuck me off so I'm going to rant about them.
Today, I'm going to see the new Harry Potter film. Yes, I'm an adult and I shouldn't be watching kids' films but then again, I probably shouldn't be buying penny sweets and playing on swings either and I don't see any reason to stop doing those things. So, I decided to watch the first film again on Front Row - the 'film on demand' channel NTL provide. I booked it last night. It got to the time it was supposed to run. It delivered ITV on the Front Row channel. I turned back over so's not to have to pay for the film (you get a 6 minute 'turn over' period before you get charged, apparently. I'll be looking at my next bill closely.) I figured it was a random glitch. Indeed, it was.
When I booked the show for the next half hour slot, it delivered the cartoon channel. Cue, call to NTL fault repair. 'Sorry. We're only open in office hours.' said the recorded line before cutting me off.
I called customer service. 'You appear to want customer service at the weekend. Fuck off.' said the phoneline (OK, not quite but it's only a vague paraphrasing.)
Other half gets home. I tell him what's happened. He calls the operator who says it should be open and tries to get hold of *anyone* at NTL who's around over the weekend. He gets onto a phone tree with the usual 'Press one to be told to fuck off now, two to hang on the phone for five minutes before you're told to fuck off, three to get transferred to another phoneline that will tell you to fuck off in 15 minutes.' Half way through one of these messages, an answerphone kicks in (!) He leaves an irate message saying 'We want to talk to someone about making our TV work.' It cuts him off mid way through. Two minutes later, the phone goes.
Phone Bunny: 'Hello, you have an emergency?'
Other Half: 'Our TV on demand system doesn't work.'
PB: Why did you phone 999 for that?'
OH: 'I didn't. I called the NThell fault line.'
PB: 'Why did you leave a message on my answerphone?'
OH: 'Because the phone tree directed me to it.'
Conversation goes on for another ten minutes. This leads me to three questions:
1 Why the hell did a customer helpline refer people to a 999 number. OK, I wanted to watch the film but it sure as hell wasn't going to put me in peril if I didn't (OK, if I had PMT, other half may have been in fear of his life cos I couldn't get what I wanted, but generally...)
2 Why did a 999 operator spend ten minutes talking about TV to someone rather than saying 'Oh, that's bad. Better go. Got to deal with emergencies.'
3 WTF is a 999 number doing with an answerphone service (that doesn't specify what it is)? Conjures up images of 'Press one if you're being brutally attacked, two if fire is creeping up your ankles and three if you're in the process of drowning.'
Not to be deterred, I tried to watch the film again today. It delivered some sports channel. Other half phones them up. On the plus side, after hanging on the phone for ages, he gets to speak to a real person. Apparently this problem has been happening for 'about two years. Some people get it. Some don't.' When will it be fixed? 'Oh, we're not sure why it happens.'
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Am off to spend obscene amount of money to see second film at cinema now. Hopefully, it won't be playing the sports channel instead.
Posted by emilyd at November 17, 2002 06:08 PM