As the founder of a sex site, I've noticed that people have very different perceptions of who I am. It's boosted my profile, without doubt. And it's also had some negative effects.
The first time I realised that people were starting to see me differently now that I was running a sex site was when we first launched. Bear in mind, I haven't changed. I've always talked about sex. It's just that now I help other people talk about it and give occasional quotes to the press.
Altered perceptions one and two:
a) I'm a lesbian
b) I'm a man
A few friends said to me when we launched Cliterati that they'd never realised I'm a lesbian.
'I'm not. I'm engaged to a bloke I love.' I said.
'So why is Cliterati for women of all sexualities then?'
Weird. Non-homophobia = lesbianism. I was amused, particularly when my mates realised how pathetic they'd been.
However, I was really offended by the couple of people who wrote stuff in newsgroups saying that I must be a man. Or rather, that everyone behind Cliterati must be male 'because pretending women have written the fantasies is clearly a cheap trick to get men to visit the site.'
Why offended? Because it implied that a) There was no need for women to have masturbation material and b) That men were a more valuable target audience than women.
There was also a misogynist hint of 'Women's sexuality doesn't matter.' It wound me up. Then I decided I had to chill out or I'd go mad.
As time's gone on, people have begun to realise more what Cliterati is about. Magazine editors who would never have accepted pitches from me now see me as a 'sexpert'. Women I barely know ask me for advice on their sex life; where can they pull, what vibrator should they get, that kind of thing. And men generally fall into one of three categories:
1) Way-hey, she must be gagging for it. Bet she goes like a train.
2) Slut. She's an outrage to women. How dare she threaten my masculinity by telling people that women like sex. (Bet she goes like a train.)
3) Cool. That's mildly amusing and interesting (Bet she goes like a train. But who cares.)
Identity. It's a weird thing. But at least I know who I am.
Posted by emilyd at September 09, 2002 07:55 PM